evidence_lost (evidence_lost) wrote in closetedyouth,

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Hi. I'm new. I'm 15. When i was about 12/13, i realised that i was attracted to girls as well as boys. And i was depressed. So i went and talked to my mom about it. She's not at all homophobic, which helps, and she's quite liberal and stuff, but her reaction was still, 'oh you're a teenager, you're confused, you'll get over it'.
In the past few months i've realised that a) i'm pansexual, b) i'm some sort of genderqueer, i.e. being female REALLY doesn't feel right for me. Most of my friends know that i'm bi, but not about any of the other stuff. My problem is...what the hell do i do now?
Do i try talking to my mom about it, and just hope to god she is accepting? Do i try telling my friends that actually i can't stand being 100% female and that's why i dress like a boy? Do i start binding my chest and stuff, and see what people's reaction is? I go to a really small school (highschool, about 150 people) and i'm nervous that i will get a reputation as a total freak.
Oh, and i somehow seem to talk to my father more about not liking being a girl, albeit in a jokey way, but i know that i can't really tell him anything serious because he wouldn't admit it, but he's quite homophobic.
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